The answer to the well-meaning person who ask, “Haven’t you moved on yet?” is simply – No. Here’s the truth about healing from grief.
Have you had people look at you with “get over it already” looks and sad eyes waiting for you to be back to normal? Everyone who has experienced grief unfortunately has felt and been on the end of these looks. What people don’t understand is that you don’t miss someone any less even if it’s a week, a year ago or even a longer time ago. You wonder why people think that time makes it hurt any less.
The answer to the well-meaning person who ask, “Haven’t you moved on yet?” is simply – No.
You can still move on however your life is changed forever, just as any life changing event will do, you learn to adapt and live again you go from your old life to being in limbo during grief and you move on to a new normal, a life after loss. So even if you ‘move on’ you can still grieve.
I personally still remember the loss of my husband 22 years ago as if they were yesterday. Time has softened my grief however that loss is a part of who I am today, it is a part of my DNA, however it has not healed my wound. My loss will always be a part of me and always will be however it is how I choose to respond to my grief that is the most important. I chose not to wallow and stay in a negative place, and by no means is was this easy to do mind you, I chose to live in a positive way, to live life and remember all the happy times that I was blessed to share with my late husband. I chose to give my children the best and happiest childhood because they deserved it.
The emotions around my own personal grief doesn’t change, as I moved onto a new normal, it didn’t change how I felt about my children growing up without their Dad or me my best friend and husband.
How to respond to questions like “Haven’t you moved on yet?”
So practically how do you respond when people tell you to hurry up already or even tell you “I thought you’d be back to ‘normal by now’? Here’s a couple of suggestions for responding.
- “Grief is a normal response to loss what I’m going through is normal, thank you for your concern and I know you will continue to support me”. By saying this you are virtually giving them no other response than of course they will support you!
- “Thank you for your concern however I’m in the midst of the biggest change of my life in a way I thought I would never be”. “It’s hard to understand even for me, so let me try to explain. Do you know those rides in the playground where you go around and round and get off feeling dizzy and you can’t stand, let alone focus?”
- Let the person respond then continue with “Well that’s how I feel multiplied by 1000 plus, I’m sure you understand that what I’m going through is normal. I thank you for your concern and understanding I need to find my balance again.”
By giving people who have never experienced grief some examples it gives them a better understanding, to some extent, of what you are experiencing and why even if you do ‘move on’ grief and the effect of loss will be a part of you forever.
It’s how you deal with life as it is now, how you live life in their memory that is important.
When life throws a curveball, Joy Fairhall is the person you want in your corner.
As the founder of Mind Body Joy, she brings personal insight and professional expertise to help find the positive perspective to overcome and manage a life-changing event.
Qualified in Positive Psychology and Wellbeing, and many other qualifications and certifications, to become a truly Holistic practitioner. Joy focuses on the link between mind and body, enabling people to function well, physically and emotionally.
She has a specialist interest in people dealing with fear and overwhelm in general or as the result of a life-changing event. And her insight comes from a uniquely personal place.
“I began my journey to learn more about the mind and body and joy over 20 years ago when my husband passed away quite suddenly when I was 37 and my children were 12 and 14,” Joy explains.
“That moment changed our lives forever. Since that time, I have studied and qualified in many areas of health and wellness modalities with all focusing on what is right in your life rather than what’s not all in line with positive psychology principles.
“I’ve learnt how to have balance, joy and happiness each and every day, and I have seen so many lives changed with the simple, easy and effective tools and techniques I provide.”
Joy works with people to create a better awareness about their unique mind-body link in the knowledge an individual’s strengths, even during the most challenging times of life, will support them to live the life they desire and deserve.
“The connection between your mind (thoughts), body (feelings) and joy (happiness) determines not only your emotions, it also affects your personal and business life,” Joy says. I specialize in helping people through life-changing transition – and grief and chronic illness are major ones.
Joy’s expertise extends from setting and achieving goals in business to dealing with devastating news and illness. She encourages people to focus on their strengths and values, making every goal more achievable and sustainable.
As a warm, committed and nurturing professional with proven results, her clients range from business owners to individuals struggling to take the next step in life.
“Many people I assist are going through a life-changing event that makes them stop in their tracks and leaves their emotions in turmoil. They feel caught up in a vortex of emotions and can see no way out.
“I gently support and guide in a constructive manner, as someone who will focus on the positive emotion, their strengths and their values, and support them in a way that will achieve their results.
“This positive focus on mind body and joy enables people to set goals differently, making them so much easier to achieve.”
As a sought-after speaker Joy brings her vast range of skills, expertise and her own personal life experiences to connect, support and guide with every audience enabling them to understand their unique Mind and Body and Joy link. Her connection to the audience, no matter the size, feels intimate and nurturing, she will make them laugh, connect to themselves and create ah ha moments in a way that is truly unique.
Joy provides specific retreats for those dealing with grief and chronic illness diagnosis specializing in nurturing and providing support to assist people through a time in their lives when everything they ever knew has been thrown into turmoil.
More information about Joy Fairhall, speaking topics and the services she offers is available through Mind Body Joy at www.mindbodyjoy.com.au